In the end, when it all comes down to it. You fucked up, no one else. Don’t blame yourself though, your only human.
i cant fucking wait for college to be done. then they can all fucking leave
The human race works much like a colony of ants… You have the workers, the soldiers, the monarchy/power. Everybody has a part to play, the only difference is there are so many workers in the human race that they’ve lost there importance. You become another lost soul searching for a purpose. Or atleast that’s how I’m seeing it!
I think about this quite a lot, not really the ant part but while walking through town and seeing all the people walking around.I just keep thinking “am I going to end up like this” and that part of my future scares me, am I working hard enough to acheive what I want to acheive or am I just not good enough that I’ll end up at the bottom of the pile. It’s a scary thought that becomming part of the normal daily routine and not really having any “purpose”.
I told someone last night that now is the time. There no more time for waiting or putting stuff off, if we don’t try now, just before we fulfill the rest of our life then we will never have a chance like this again, and that made me realise that I wasn’t giving the rant to him, I was actually trying to tell myself to get up and do something. So if there’s anything you wish you could try to do which gives you “purpose”. Now is the time.
I know I’m going to try whether people want to help or not. No longer am I going to keep trying for other people. The time is now and I’ve got to take it.
So i haven’t really blogged for a while but i like to use it to get my thoughts and emotions out in the open every now and then so why the hell not!
Lets starts with something simple.
1. I give, no shits.
seems very vague? let me explain. Not a whole lot of things have been able to get to me, things will happen in my life and around me and i will just sit there and watch not being phased by whats going on or in fact caring about whats happening as long as i’m not involved and neither are the people closest to me and if there no way i can change it. People can tell me various things and i just wont care, ill sit there and listen but don’t expect me to do anything about it because i wont. Unless its happening in front of me then don’t expect anything to happen. Unfortunately that’s who i am, i’m not going to react on things that have happened in the past and not when there nothing to do with me. Maybe i’m just a heartless bastard but as far as i see it i’m better off this way, i would rather be emotionless and not give a shit than be someone who is phased by death and anger etc. So at the end of the day, Don’t get me involved, just please don’t.
2. I have no motive to do anything. Ever
I am lazy, i’m not going to deny it, i turn up to college 30 mins late every day cause i cant be bothered to get out of bed, i have idea that i’m too lazy to write down, i procrastinate way too much and so much more. and the sad part? I’m the one suffering for it, i want to start film making but i’m too lazy to bother scripting, i want to get fit but i’m too lazy to exorcise, i want to meet people but i cant be bothered to go out. all i do is sit here and game. yep. that’s all. and that’s pretty sad isn’t it? i mean i have all these big ideas and aspirations but i’m too lazy to get up and do them.
That’s all the bad stuff i wanted to say today, now shall we talk about good things? I believe we should! So i never really got a chance to post this anywhere or anything like that and i don’t wanna seem soppy but 23 days ago was mine and m girlfriends one year and i honestly couldn’t love her enough, this has been my longest and happiest relationship and as cliche as it sounds i’m actually looking forward to spending the rest of my life with her, she supportive sweet happy intelligent and so much more. I loves her very very much :)
so i just thought i’d end this blog on a good note instead of a rather shit one.
I love these people a lot. (Just a shame Kate wasn’t there for this :( )
Tonight was their art exhibition, and I am proud of every single one of them that were a part of it, I have some photos and some footage (albeit not great) but i’ll try and make a video from it.